i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
