She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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