you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
