It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
