Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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