i permit you to call me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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