i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
