If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
