the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
