Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
