so explain again why im purple
no
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
