P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
