I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
