Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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