i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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