Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize