I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
