you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
