He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
