i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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