what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
