One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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