I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
