Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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