is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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