just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize