dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
