im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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