I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
