i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
