When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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