I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
