So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
