apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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