see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
