I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
