Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
