I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
