It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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