Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
