my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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