Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
this boner is exhausting
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
