just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
