I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
