You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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