pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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