so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
