Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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