No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
