oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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