I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
