I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
