Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
