that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
