o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize