Whod you bang
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
birth control should be required to get into college
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
