i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
