you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
