question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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