Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
