She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
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Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
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Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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