So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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