writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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