I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
