I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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