as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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