I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
