I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
