omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
