I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
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two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We are all done wearing pants today
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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