and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
