Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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