He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
