I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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