Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
