Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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